Experiences

After Retreat on Samsoe spring 2006

Dearest Cecil and Bruhn

Everything is as it should be! Right here – right now!

Of all the gifts I received during the retreat, three are shining brightest right now. That the Heart is here! The story about the monk hanging on to the picture of Sri Amma and Sri Bhagavan to be able to see and face and surrender! A totally clear – and bright as a star! – contact and union with a completely, deeply, deeply wonderful, calm, authentic, beautiful inner divinity. The perfect one, which came to me and flowed into the heart during the night after the deeksha

This night it has assisted me in a strange and liberating process. It began with restlessness in the legs, something I would normally have dealt with, with a couple of neck exercises. I let it be and found perspective and stillness with my inner divinity. It developed into rhythmic and pulsating and total contractions (without pain, without cramps) where the head was pulled all the way down between the shoulders, contractions in the face, lips, contractions in the body around charkas, heart-rhythm-pulsating and long, stretching pulls in the body. Movements, which are impossible to reconstruct consciously.

I was able to observe, seeing the images of feline animals, ruins, sun, albatross, mountains, sky, thanks to my inner divinity, which just sat there in complete stillness and constantly was able to pull me into the perspective of the seer. “Even though” it felt like hours – perhaps it was hours, even though I was sweating like a madman and even though at times it was boring to watch the “movie”.

In between the contractions I was quietly and calmly unfolded again and with loving hands laid back. The experience was to be modelled and remodelled, and seeing layer upon layer unfold and fade.

My greatest egoist resistance was, that ”more out of habit than out of need” I had eaten a bowl full of awful taco chips before I went to bed. And they gave me a permanent feeling of nausea during the whole experience. Apart from that it was wonderful to feel the surrender, the scenario of the pain body, freedom from thinking “now it’s on the way to enlightenment”, the knowing that everything is as it should be – and above all it was wonderful to feel the help, and knowing that you are the most wonderful, wonderful midwives!

I told my dear wife about this in the morning, and she had noticed the unrest. She recalled the experience of accepting and transforming pain during childbirth and as a seer surrendering to the life that is on its way.

Many, many loving rays of light

Return to Experiences