Experiences

Dear Pragyanandji :o)

I am so in awe of this life………..still unwrapping the presents I received during my stay with you in Anandaloka 3 in January – life is really a constant unwrapping of presents! Thank you so much for your Presence and guidance during my stay :o)

I promised to tell you something about my process, since we didn’t have time to share before I left, so here we are.

Just entering the gates of Anandaloka 3 gave me an immediate feeling of the powerful presence of the Presence that is there. It is palpable at times. It often feels like it is lovingly teasing me, showing me that everything is automatic and that there is really nothing for me to do but to lean back and enjoy the ride. So I did just that. The Presence was constantly one step ahead - often I would experience the deeksha coming on all by itself and with a very clear intention – only to be asked to invoke the Presence half a day later, with the same intention. This happened for instance with the chakra clearing. I was lying on my bed when “out of the blue” all my charkas were sort of ignited one by one as circular energy vortexes each with their particular colour. Each chakra was then cleansed several times until all the colours were literally shining and glowing. Really beautiful :o).

Another example. One early morning I intended to go for a walk, but instead I was pulled into the tent to the huge Srimurti of Amma and Bhagavan. I sat down in front of it and the heart started filling up with people I know – friends, family, participants from our courses, friends of friends, acquaintances, people I’ve barely met – and praying just happened ….. they were all showered in so much love and light and it was so beautiful and so simple. I had to go back in front of the Srimurti several times that morning as more and more people kept coming into the heart. Later that afternoon we had a deeksha in the tent with the intention of visualising the whole of humanity being filled with light, starting with our family and friends. That deeksha just went on and on and on – in fact it is still on :o)

I have felt it before but this time I felt it again on a deeper level….that this whole enlightenment-thing is not at all about any particular kind of experiences, but about the FREEDOM to experience – really experience – anything and everything that flows through you without any kind of resistance or clinging. States come, states go, feelings come, feelings go, thoughts come, thoughts go…..in one infinite dance of Life. At the same time I am infinitely grateful for some of the beautiful mystical experiences that the Presence is giving me……..or rather, gratitude is just happening all the time (like a big fat river flowing from the Heart :o)) and it has nothing to do with the particularities of the coming and going (of which I have no control anyway ;o)). It is amazingly simple…..so simple that when I received enlightenment on September 6^th during an intense 10-day process in Anandaloka 1, I really didn’t realise at first the immensity of the shift that happened in me. Following a boons deeksha Bhagavan’s consciousness filled me to the brim of my being and was laughingly showing me that he had ALWAYS been there, loving me, guiding me….. This experience left me completely transparent, one with the wind caressing the leaves, the earth, the sun….. a deep deep feeling that life could now flow unhindered through me. It took some time for me to integrate that experience into my everyday life – and the intensity of transparency lessened a little, but it was always there….. And this intense process with you has really increased the “base level of transparency” – I don’t really know how to explain it otherwise :o) Often there is no point of reference at all.

The Paduka Puja

Wow! The Paduka Puja ….Was so touched by the power and dedication flowing from you when you performed it. As always I am blown away by the magic powers of these ancient rituals. It is as if every cell in my body awakens and remembers the sacredness of these acts. I just become the resonance of the mantras and the music and Grace flows so powerfully – The Presence was almost palpable and the body just vibrating with joy and gratitude. I have a special reverence for this particular ritual. Because for my birthday last year Bruhn gave me a pair of silver Padukas – blessed by Amma – and they are truly blessed :o) We are applying them when giving healing and deekshas and we both feel very strongly that they are imbued with AmmaBhagavans presence and often people receiving energy from them feel the hands of Amma or a powerful energy-field touching them. “If you touch the feet of a saint, her heart melts”

The Homa

Wow wow wow!!!! I am infinitely grateful to you for fulfilling my prayer! So many beautiful and profound experiences came to me during this homa….again the body instantly started vibrating on a different frequency, just becoming/carrying/enhancing Vikramjis mantras, prayers and movements….completely lost into that.

When we were asked to pray for a Golden Being to enter us, I was immediately filled with – no rather – shown that there had always been a Golden Being inside of me, filling me to the brim of my existence. I got to experience the intense vibrating goldenness of this being that was neither male nor female but both in a very beautiful and integrated way…… This being then slowly left my body, turning to face me. I was offering it the most beautiful red, yellow and orange flowers and there was a clear wordless understanding between us, that I would not lift my eyes to see its face and eyes, because then I would simply cease to exist – and that now is not the time for that…. instead it took me to an infinite field of the same red, yellow and orange flowers that I had just offered it and we were holding hands and feeling the beauty of the field together…. it lasted for seconds and for ages.

Later during the homa all the hindu Gods made a circle around my head, and the second I realised they were all there, my head was gone and the circle was just empty. Then my head reappeared and AmmaBhagavan came forward as one being and placed their hands lightly on my crown chakra…as always so caring, so full of love

Even later I felt my face turning into that of Laksmi and then into that of Shiva, who filled me with blue presence inside…. (Of course I “had just had” to buy a fantastic golden image of Laksmi and a beautiful smaller image of Shiva in Chennai before coming to AL3) haha …Well, that was just an ordinary day in this very alive life ;o)

Amma, my beloved Amma

During my stay with you I was praying for a darshan with Amma, as for me this journey is more and more becoming a journey into the divine feminine energy…. when I give deeksha, there is sooo much Amma, so much love and sooo much spaciousness, a deep experience that she embraces everything. Everything is Amma. Also I feel that giving deeksha with Bruhn and us leading retreats together is really a repetition of the masculine/feminine balance that I experience so deeply within (especially after enlightenment) and also very strongly manifested in AmmaBhagavan. But I am so completely lost in Amma…have no words for this love or this longing to be one with her…I was praying for Amma…. Amma…Amma…and she answers, she always answers…

One afternoon I was lying on the bed in my room, when I felt the Presence very powerfully rising in me, coming from the earth this time. And it was so clearly Amma filling me completely with her deep deep golden energy, so ripe, so fertile, so devastatingly powerfully full, that I have no words for it. She stayed for such a long time that way, she still stays. And I am so in love with her and simply beyond grateful for being blessed with her presence. For being allowed to experience the divine feminine energy in such a powerful way. Would have gone to the end of the worlds for this…

It is like the knowing or the insights that I had already had, I have received again – but on a deeper level…like the process both before and after enlightenment is about discovering/experiencing more and finer nuances/subtleties of this magical manifestation that is Life. It also feels like there is a constant fine-tuning of my bodies to make them hold higher and higher vibrations for longer and longer periods of time – this, in my experience, is a completely automatic process, but sometimes the work being done is felt more intensely…. and so it was with my stay with you in January. I was looking through my diary the other day and the entry for my stay was a prayer to have as much “work” done as possible during my stay – that prayer was definitely answered…and then some :o) And for every fine-tuning new depths reveal themselves – it is an infinite journey in infinity :o) Gratitude and wonder is just flowing from the heart…

Since both you and Bhagavan seem particularly interested in that I want to tell you a little about our UK adventure. It is unfolding in the most magical way, people, places, connections simply pop up out of nowhere – some very graceful dance moves the Universe is performing there! For a long time Bruhn and I have felt deeply connected with the English landscape wanting to do deeksha ceremonies in some of the ancient power places there. So with the help of some great and very able people we’ve put together a programme for May and August working along the Michael and Mary Ley Lines with deeksha ceremonies in nature, evening seminars, 1-day workshops and a 3-day retreat. This really “tickles” me – I look so forward to doing this and pray for your blessings for this work. I am also attaching a folder for the May programme – more details there :o)

Deeply surrendered to the divine plan/love/joy/humour and always in the deepest gratitude to AmmaBhagavan.

Lovelovelovelovecrazylove

Cecil

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