Experiences

Dear Universal Cecil & Bruhn

As promised and because I want to, I will tell you about my fantastic experiences on Samsoe.

Completely unforeseen and surprisingly pleasant there was no resistance about going on a retreat. A feeling of anticipation had replaced the well-known feeling of resistance. Was it the mind changing it’s strategy ;o) 

The first evening was nice and quiet and the deeksha eminent. I felt like my body was vibrating on a higher frequency and my senses were extra sharp – I was in presence. 

On day two I got to meet my chakras – and what a meeting!! My heart chakra was in world-class shape!! It was pulsating, bobbling, expanding, hurting, tender, filled with love an as big as a football stadium with green grass. As soon as I lay down in the meditation hall, the heart chakra began to move/buzz – so I was lying down for a whole day ;o)

The first day of the pilgrimage was a physical challenge to get through. If you look into some of the details I had a cold in the morning, which disappeared after my talk with a tree in the forest. The following deeksha was indescribably wonderful and beautiful – a feeling of the deepest care I have felt for a very long time. On through the forest we walked and just before leaving it a deer sprang across the road in front of me. Those in front of me did not notice and Martin walking behind me didn’t see it either. My own deer right in the middle of the root chakra! I still don’t know the hidden meaning of that, but it was a wonderful experience. The deeksha in the hara chakra was another experience I will never forget. In the beginning of the ceremony, as so many times before, my head started to tingle, but this time the tingling grew into cracks that continued down my whole face, which then started itching powerfully, so much that I lost concentration and couldn’t sit still. The last healing on “The Animal” of the solar plexus chakra was pure relief. After that I started longing back home to Pillemark.

I was looking so much forward to the second day where we were beginning the day in the heart chakra. On our way down to the fiord there was a small hill and I felt a stirring in my chest, which my mind immediately interpreted as shortness of breath. So my mind and had a little discussion about that, because I was convinced it was something else – and so it was, suddenly a deer appeared in the wheat field. When we reached the fiord I was completely taken, at first I thought it was because of the connection I felt and the beauty of the place, but writing about it now makes me realise, that even though it is truly a beautiful place, the visual wasn’t really important, it was a pure and powerful communication between heart and nature. We were connected, “the Fiord of Love” was within me and I was within it. I was walking in the last position all the way through the heart chakra and did in no way feel like going any further.

The moor was fantastic with all it’s impressions and scents transferring as lightness into the body. 

When we reached the beach I experienced a more sinister note. I don’t know for sure, but nearing the throat chakra did something to my state of mind. The beach felt heavier and my steps shorter. I was asking for a sign to explain this, but received nothing. This is not entirely true since Cecil gave me a chocolate biscuit. Actually the whole stretch until the break and the swim felt a little uneventful. Felt a little zombie like, enjoying the silence but feeling frustrated by the lack of action. At this point I was walking bare foot and without any premeditation I took a longer stride and picked up a sea shell that I would otherwise had stepped on. For a long time I walked with it in my hand without looking at it, until I remembered having picked it up. I opened my hand and studied it. It had a nice surface but on one side of the shell to the middle a crack was showing. The first that came into mind was that my own was shell cracking up (during the hara chakra deeksha) and that light was starting to seep through. I decided to send this beautiful sign back to the sea and Mother Earth. After about 8-10 min. walk the same thing happened again – but this time the seashell was shining white. I asked for extra help and received the words “dove of peace” – my inner dove of peace! I was touched and caressed my seashell once more. It felt so right! It is on my desk right next to me. After that we did the “put your thumb and index finger together” exercise! I had some beginner’s problems as I was focussing more on the goal than on the now. After changing my focus it was much easier…. I became more and more empty inside. The best thing about it was that the mind stopped being noisy!!

The third eye chakra offered something completely unexpected. With regard to myself in the enlightened state the word musician came up – ok I would really like to give it a go like David Bowie or Prince (imagine Kiss being performed in a yellow wet-suit). I have no musical talent so it’s a long way away. Next vision was that the world would become harmonious like the sea and healing like the sound of the sea. After the exercise I felt and increased energy in the third eye, which was amplified the last days of the course. Even now there is a bobbling sensation in my third eye chakra when I close my eyes and relax. It wasn’t there before – so thank you for that!! Towards the crown chakra we went, I do not recall a splendid opening or other wild stuff. Felt like I had had so many experiences during the day that for a short while I was unable to take in any more. Perhaps the problem is that we are not used to feel/experience so much in such a short time?

After the walk my sense of time disappeared – I am unable to remember what happened where and when. Although I am quite sure it happened on Samsoe! The last days merged into each other but I can easily recall a couple of great experiences I had. This very moment I am realising what bliss it is not to think in time and space!

I am so grateful for my heart chakra ;o)!!! It churns and sizzles all the time and it was (it still is) fantastic to lie down and just experience the movement in the chest. And feel the fact that my chest has become so much more relaxed. I feel that the acceptance of my outer reality has become taller, broader, deeper. Thank you! 

One day (don’t remember which) after one of the exercises (don’t remember which) I was laying in the meditation hall, everyone else had gone to lunch, and began to feel a trickle of energy in the muscles around my lower right rib. This trickle, which was like a relaxation, continued up to the next rib and the next and the next. After circa 15 min. the right side of the heart chakra was relaxed and the trickle crossed my chest and continued down on the other side. It was one of the most beautiful experiences I have ever had. I was ready for lunch! My wife has later told me that she could very clearly see physical changes in the chest area.

The one experience that touched me most and really changed my perception of the Universe (everything included!) was in the end of Chakra “Dynamo”, where Bhagavan came down from heaven, stood behind me and placed his hands on my head – deeksha time! While he was giving a deeksha surprise he wrapped my mind in the clearest white light and was showing me an image of the day where that white light would explode in a veritable starry rain in every imaginable colour – the day of the breakthrough. Along with all this infinite patience, love and Grace was flowing through me. As I told you several times during the retreat I find it hard to put these experiences and feelings into words. They belong to a dimension that cannot be described. Physically I was completely dizzy after this and had to go outside and sit down.

The fire ritual also touched me deeply – actually it has had a tremendous impact on my fear/worry. I experience it differently now than before and not so often. Let me give you a super example: I was lying on the floor in the meditation hall feeling my heart (again again) Suddenly it sounded as if Cecil was calling me from the hall. My mind immediately started a scenario, where my family had called Cecil’s cell phone because I did not answer my own. The reason they called was that Sara had been hurt badly. The mind continued with scenes of what had happened and they got worse and worse. I “pulled” all the feelings/scenes into my heart and took 6-7 deep breaths. I experienced that it was possible for me to embrace all of it and I did not go out to check, as I would usually have done.

My heart chakra has been hurting, but what an experience just lying down for 40 min. feeling this gentle pain – just feeling it. As I told you on the retreat I have never before finished feeling my feelings – I have now and I am deeply grateful for that experience!

“Process” to me before was something to do with a lot of rules, being mindful, reacting in a particular way and I actually feel now that it was some kind of prison with a very small prison cell; The more therapy, the smaller the cell. I was suppressing my nature no matter if it was good or bad. Now I am just different, and I am changing no matter if I want to or not (although I do want to). The energy catalysing this transformation makes it possible to change without having to be 100% conscious 24/7 about the process or what to do with it. The transformation is happening and sometimes I am conscious about it, sometimes I just let myself drift. It is a gift! Of course some practices are speeding the process up, but it is like these practices starts when the time is right. It comes naturally and without effort, not with heavy obligation like in so many other forms of therapy. I can embrace the relapses, my aggression and all the other patterns. I am not always able to see through a pattern, but my heart – the football stadium – can contain it all. Free admission 7 days a week ;o)

There were so many other experiences, I’ll tell you about them some other time. But if you have the time it would be nice if you would reflect on my experiences.

See you tomorrow…

Kisses and hugs

Steen

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